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'Increase Your Power by Reducing It'

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would do it even if you don’t think it’s such a relatonship between feelings of power or we persuade or whether we’re scared
good idea? and perspectve-taking – I increase my about doing those things, and it’s this. He
perspectve-taking skills. What happens said, “Dan, the hardest part of my job is that
ESM: Yes, I probably would, since you’re then? Maybe, if I do that, I can get beter at every day I face” – and this is his lovely phrase
the boss. taking Allan’s perspectve. I can say, “Hmmm, – he says, “I face an ocean of rejecton.”
Pink: Right, I think most of us would. I’m not why is Allan resistng this? Maybe there’s Buoyancy is how you stay afoat in that ocean
asking you to do anything unethical or illegal an obstacle that he sees and I’m the boss, of rejecton. We probably have a relatvely
or anything like that. You might think, “Oh, I can just get that out of the way.” Maybe, small number of people who are full-tme
God, what a stupid idea.” But you go about if I really work hard, I can say, “What’s in salespeople listening and watching today. But
doing it grudgingly. Unfortunately, the odds it for Allan to do this thing diferently or I think that those people who do sell every
are that you’re not going to do a wonderful do this thing in a diferent way?” And so day are far more courageous than most of
job on that task. So what I should do as your this is a really interestng practcal and us. Salespeople go out there and deal with
boss is use the evidence from social science – tactcal thing that leaders can do. It’s a litle rejecton every single day. In sales, and even
which shows an inverse relatonship between counterintuitve, but if you decrease your when persuading, we’re all staring into that
feelings of power and perspectve-taking – to feelings of power in that moment, you can ocean of rejecton.
do things a litle bit beter. So here’s what I increase the acuity of your perspectve- So what do the social sciences teach us
could do. Before I go into my encounter with taking and actually be more efectve. about how to be Buoyant, how to stay afoat
you, I slightly recalibrate my notons of power. ESM: So this falls into the area of in that ocean of rejecton? There are a couple
Before I talk to you, I say, “Listen. Even though empathizing with people? of things that people can do. One of them is
I’m Allan’s boss, even though I’m higher in talking to yourself before an encounter. And
the org chart, even though he reports to me, Pink: There’s an interestng line of research in the research shows that pumping yourself
even though I make more money than he this – something just published in the Harvard up with positve self-talk is much beter than
does, maybe I’m not as powerful as I think I Business Review online about three weeks doing nothing – than simply going in neutral
am. In fact, maybe my ability as a boss to get ago showing that when people feel powerful, and not saying anything to yourself. But it’s
my job done, to get my goals accomplished, you know what they do? They talk too much. not as efectve as a third opton, one that
really depends heavily on Allan being prety And when you talk too much, the people most of us have never heard of, and that’s
commited and engaged. The more I think you’re talking to are less likely to do a good “interrogatve” self-talk. You take that positve
about this, Allan’s actually quite good. Maybe, and thorough job on what you’re asking them afrmatve statement and you turn it into
at some level, he needs us a lot less than we to do because you’re not listening to them. a queston. So you’re probably thinking: “I
need him. And so what I do is I recalibrate It's also interestng that the research should queston my ability?” And the answer
my feelings of power in that moment. I don’t distnguishes between perspectve-taking and is yes, in many cases you should.
give up my ttle, I don’t give my salary back empathy. They're very closely related; they're
or anything like that. I just recalibrate in that like siblings, but they're not identcal twins. Questons, by their very nature, elicit an
moment the feeling of relatve power. Empathy helps you understand someone's actve response. Your wheels have to turn a
What happens? If I reduce my feelings emotonal state. It's an enormously litle bit. If you ask yourself a queston, your
own wheels turn a litle bit. By asking that
of power – remember, there’s an inverse important skill in the workplace and as a queston to myself—"Can you do this?"—I
human being. But in terms of have to respond "Yeah", I can do this," and
persuasion, partcularly in a then I list the reasons why. "I can do this
business or commercial context, because ..." I'm preparing. I'm rehearsing. I'm
the perspectve-taking that getng ready. And so this thing that seems
I'm talking about is very much powerful: "You can do it, you've got it," is
about understanding someone's good—it's beter than doing nothing—but it's
interest, understanding their not nearly as efectve as the quieter kind of
thoughts. What's in it for them? Buoyancy that comes from questons.
So you want to be empathetc,
you want to understand ESM: You use a famous story to illustrate
someone's feelings, but in a C – Clarity.
business context. Atunement is Pink: Yes, Clarity depends on contrast. This
really about their interests and is a really important point from the great
what's in it for them.
Robert Cialdini, who is, by far, the most
ESM: I loved your story about important researcher in the feld of infuence
the last Fuller Brush Man – and persuasion. He talks about something
which I think represents the B he calls the “contrast principle.” When you
- Buoyancy, brilliantly. want to persuade people, you want them to
ask this queston: “compared to what?” They
Pink: Well, I did manage to have to compare it to something.
fnd one of the last Fuller
Brush men working today; his So the story is about a blind man sitng
name is Norman Hall. He said on a sidewalk in a big city with people
something that really stuck with passing by. It’s a beautful spring day and he
me, something I think we can all has a sign that says, “I am blind.” But his hat
relate to whether we’re in sales is almost empty, few people notce him or
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Photo Credit: Rebecca Drobis
18 engagement strategies Vol.17 Issue 4